It's All Part of the Plan

What a week...I've been trying to keep busy since taking my daughter to family for the summer and my yard looks it. I'm sure when its done it will be amazing, but the in between is a mess. Piles of dirt haphazardly dumped, tools scattered about, no evidence of a plan. It's all in my head.

I've got my two teenagish sons helping. One is 13 with ADHD inattentive type. He thinks he should be reading a book. Any book....anything but ...ugh, working! My younger son is 11. ADHD combined type, incredibly impulsive and very competitive. He loves working as long as he gets the biggest shovel, and gets to control the hose (watch out!). So I've got two sons moving dirt. My 13 year old has made a dent, mainly from leaning too hard on the shovel, and my 11 year old has dug a hole so deep whoever is at the other end will have to help fill it in!

I just keep plugging away, setting a good example, biting my tongue, letting them see what works and what doesn't. May be today will be the day I see the results of my efforts, but may be not. I'm OK either way.

It's all part of the plan.

But the sunburn wasn't, ouch!

Family Has Your Back

I have often told my children how fortunate they are to have each other. In fact just last year we had a friend visiting who had burned bridges with her siblings and I used this as an example of how important it is to keep your family close. You never know when you will need them, or they will need you. Family has your back.


Now I say that, and relate it to my children, but I will be honest, I don't like to depend on anyone. I am self-relient to a fault. Even depending on God is an act of discipline on my part. I rarely ask for help and if I can't do something I figure out how.

When I planned the life I would provide for my children I was excited that I had such a great extended family to offer them. It never occurred to me that I would actually come to the place of relying on them. I was fully prepared to meet every need my children may have. I knew they were broken. This was part of my desire to provide a home for them, I knew I was strong enough. I am.

But this isn't about my strength. Friday my Mom and I drove my nearly 16 year old daughter 921 miles to her Aunt and Uncles for the summer. I planned for what I could do for my children.....I didn't plan what I might need others to do. The issue is I have three other children and along with her own personal issues Sissy has become a danger to them. She does not have their back.

So I am in a position I never anticipated. I need my family, and they had my back.

I am thankful.

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Kids....Huh?

When I mention that my four children are adopted the first comment is usually, "Aaaaw, it takes such a special person to do that." I always reply, "No, I'm not the special one. They made me a mom."

I am always happy to share our story, my children are as well. We adopted our oldest three as a sibling set at 8, 6 and 4. Their birth mom had two older children being raised by their birth father and a son born in a neighboring county after our three were in foster care. He was adopted in his county of birth. A year after placement we were blessed with her 7th child, a baby girl born in 2003. I'm sure you've already thought about what I hear next. "When are THEY going to tie her tubes?"

I usually hold it together. Then I calmly ask, "So, which of my children shouldn't have been born?" I then inquire, "Who is they?" Needless to say I don't get very good answers to either question. There just aren't any. An apology is the general response. Very much appreciated and my point all along.

I am honestly not genuinely offended by the comments. What really gets me is the lack of respect for personal liberty. Follow the link to this story....

http://www.volunteertv.com/home/headlines/45871127.html

I'd defend his liberty as well...but we shouldn't be paying for his 20+ kids.

So much more I could say but I'm off to dinner....just something to think about.

To Mom it May Concern

I was presented with this auspicious document at the close of the "work" day. I told ya'll he was funny!

Legal Document (sort of)

Department of Awesomeness
President Moo

To Mom it May Concern:

This is a legal(ish) document. Anything in the document is legal(ish) and binding when signed. Now you may know the the President of the Department of Awesomeness has many responsibilities, yet some are not fulfilled. A few are and not limited to:* taking out the trash, yard work, obedience in general, respect and other chores. The Awesomeness President is now diverting more time to these things, as the other Awesomeness departments are overflowing. A quote from President Moo himself is: "I'm sorry Mom." With that he will do all his best to fulfill his obligations as the Awesomeness President.

If you (only Mom) destroy or get rid of this document in any way shape or form this agreement will be rendered invalid. If you agree please sign below.

Signed this the 9th day of June, 2009

X_________________________

X_________________________



Legal document (sort of) side 2
*Excludes cleaning my room and getting rid of the scorpion. Valid till scorpion dies or we both agree.

Of course I signed before reading side 2.
I'm still in denial that a scorpion is living in my house!

I Just Couldn't Watch.....

My ADHD son had a job to do today. I thought it was easy enough. Pick up the trash that had blown into our yard due to our summer winds. Oh yeah and put the bags of aluminum cans in the back of the Suburban. Two hours later there were actually aluminum cans in the Suburban. The barn doors were open, and one of the bags was sitting behind the vehicle....there were also tailless scorpions in bottles, sledge hammers on the lawn, an intricate drawing in the dirt, and trash.....oh, trash? It took another 6 hours for the trash and he will still need to finish tomorrow.

I just couldn't watch.

I tried to laugh, but although I know he is a good kid, what will others think of his character? He is an attractive, hilariously funny and intelligent 13 year old young man. ADHD is invisible. I finally decided I would save those concerns for another time and I laughed. He may be taking forever to do a simple task, but he is doing it with a good attitude. It reminded me of the time he fell asleep after spending three hours not matching and folding socks, he had to finish that the next day too. I went in search of the pictures.....

I entered the house to find my 11 year old had totally taken apart the stereo system.

I'm not laughing....yet.

OH BOY!!!! These socks are gonna have to come off the hard way!

I laughed. Hard. Many times. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on in the back seat to inspire these emphatic words from my five year old .... but again, I laughed. Hard. Many times. And then as parents do, I repeated it. Many times.

What is interesting is each person I told came up with their own "moral to the story". One friend even called me a few days later to share her own story of the day, and how it made her think of what my Little One said about her socks....huh? But we all do that don't we? We seek meaning in everything. Purpose is implied just by occurrence.

So I followed suit. I thought about how often we do easy things the hard way. Thinking back on all we do in a day how many of us would list taking off our socks as hard? "OH BOY, I guess these socks are gonna have to come off the hard way!" Say it out loud. Add the playful seriousness of a five year old and say it again. After you smile, then think of all you did today. What did you make harder than it needed to be?

I'm also reminded that so often, the hard way to accomplish an easy task is actually the best way. If I want my house clean it is easier to do it myself. My daughter can tie her karate belt, but it is easier and faster if her brother does it. Walking or riding a bike to the park provides much needed exercise, but driving is so much faster! Parents know that the easy way for their kids isn't necessarily the best way. We want them to learn responsibility, discipline, how to overcome adversity, the joy of a job well done, etc. Are we now exempt from this wisdom?

As I compose this blog I remind my son that until his math book is complete he has no TV privileges. (long story starting with lying about math homework...) I watched him get up and go outside to play. His choice. I know that the easiest solution is to buckle down and just get the darn book done. Freedom is the reward!!!! He will procrastinate, probably end up with additional consequences along the way, be so sad when the family is watching a new movie and he is excluded... my heart will break....but it's not about me, or what is easier.

And now as a Christian, who stayed home from church this morning to enjoy the peace and quiet of an empty house, I think about a spiritual application.

My yoke is easy and my burden light. Matthew 11:30

When I think of Christ as my work partner I am so grateful to have a partner who carries His weight...plus mine most of the time!!! Remember the dread of partner assignments in college where the other person let you do all the work? And how nice it was to actually get to pick someone who helped carry the load? I have found such freedom, such outright liberty in sharing my yoke with Christ. It may seem an oxymoron to find liberty in being "yoked" to another. We are all yoked to something. We all have an authority. Exercising my liberty I pick up burdens along the way that are very heavy....but Christ isn't one of them. I strive to stick with Him, but when I detour He's still right there. So when the socks need to come off the hard way....

Here I am back where I began. Really it was just a cute incident, one of many in the life of a growing family. It means just what it was. My daughter wanted her socks off. She was strapped in a car seat with limited mobility and knee high socks under tight jeans. "OH BOY, These socks are gonna have to come off the hard way!" Still makes me laugh.

For some tasks, you're presented an opportunity to do things the
easy way or the hard way. While your friend is proudly showing off his work at replacing a light fixture, the switch and all the wiring, you might be thinking,
why not just replace the dead bulb?

The Evolution of Virtuallllmom...

In a jovial conversation with my 13 year old regarding my confidence that very soon he would show due diligence in the completion and mastery of his family responsibilities (anyone else still feel their toes curl at the thought of the word chores?) he commented that it would be much easier to please me if I were a virtual mom. "You'd look cute on the screen and I could hit pause." Butter me up...make me laugh...DO YOUR CHORES!!

Aaaaah!!!!!! So my parental evolution is on pause. As Milton Berle quipped, "If evolution really works then how come mothers only have two hands?"

As a parent there are many moments I would love to pause, rewind, play again and again. Given the opportunity I'd delete a few things as well....the word chores immediately comes to mind. We do instinctively replay events and experiences. An internal rewrite allows our behavior to be more accurately informed. Those 100 billion neurons give or take a few billion, creating more connections than stars in the sky, giving us the illusion of seamless continuity. Here begins my trip down the quintessential slippery slope. Consciousness, self.....am I really just a virtual mom? Are we all simply a prototype for the "selves" science will create in the future? If consciousness is purely material then this is certainly a possibility. Pause, rewind, play..... I began by stating my desire for this ability, now I'm spooked!

If it were just me I could probably follow the materialistic argument of many neuroscientists and philosophers. But I'm a parent. I may be just a sack of parts but my kids are miracles. They definitely have free will....much to my delight and horror! It brings to mind the astronaut who upon witnessing the depths of space reported not finding God..... watching my children grow how can I not see beyond the material? Who could miss their conscious, their soul? In reserving his view of space to the material I believe Yuri Gagarin told us more of his limitations than perhaps he would want us to know.

Thus begins my blogging journey. I am not an expert on anything...just interested in everything!!! I am now off to see how much I can read about consciousness in an hour. Even Virtuallllmoms need to regenerate. Here are a few interesting articles if you choose to join me.....

http://www.hudsonreview.com/frommSp06.pdf

http://www.fiu.edu/~hauptli/WhatIsASelf.htm

http://www.livescience.com/health/050808_human_consciousness.html

http://www.christian-thinktank.com/ntprime.html